And Miles to Go...

Sleep is not coming any easier to me, but I think it is just because my pattern is totally screwed up from going to bed in the wee hours of the morning for almost a week. Then I wake up when I have to, do things I have to do, then somewhere in the afternoon I can't keep my eyes open, fall out for an hour or two... I wake up refreshed, yes, but then I can't go to sleep until 4 or 5am again! This is getting me a little nuts.

It is nerves, too. I picked up the burned DVD from Charlie (God bless 'im) this afternoon and watched it straight through to make sure there are no surprises. There was only one word of dialogue that wasn't on there, and I am sure it is something that I accidentally deleted or pasted over while I was editing and is not a big deal at all.

I don't really know how to describe how I am feeling now. I feel like I should be saying things like, "relieved, happy, satisfied," etc. And I am certain I am all of those things, but I don't really feel them. I think I am just spent, an empty vessel, and I have to relax and wait for my reserves to fill back up.

Watching the movie on a 42" screen was way different than watching it on my laptop. I was afraid it was going to look worse, but it was actually more forgiving.

I write this blog because I want to be able to read back on my own experience later (because it is way too much to remember now), and I also want to give people who are interested in maybe doing the same thing, or just interested in hearing about the process, an inside look at how it all really happens. Sometimes I have committed the sin of omission about some of the bad things in order to keep the peace with people, or not be overly discouraging, or just because during the process I didn't want certain people (like my investors) to worry that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

I'm having one of those moments where I am considering censoring myself, but I think I'll go ahead and speak honestly, because several people I consult with regularly promise me that what I am feeling is normal and natural (and because the movie is really, truly in the can now, and it all worked out just fine).

The truth is, when you have spent literally several hundred hours poring over about 50 hours of footage - think about that, approximately three THOUSAND minutes of footage - and have to narrow it down to (currently) one hundred and three minutes... pardon my french, but you get pretty freakin' sick of looking at it. Think of your favorite joke, or song, or, hmm, scene in a movie, and then repeat it, listen to it, rewind and watch it at least 50, if not 100, times. Is it still funny, poignant, touching, or whatever you used to think it was? I think the word I am looking for is, "desensitized".

So I was pleasantly surprised when I watched the movie straight through today, and in the immortal words of my dear friend Tom Kyte, thought to myself, "This does not suck." Still needs a lot of massaging, but I am confident I am not going to embarrass myself, anyway. But I am still pretty sick of looking at it. And now I don't have to for EIGHT WHOLE DAYS! I am very excited about that.

I think why I am not dancing with joy, though, is because I am ever the hostess, and I will not be able to relax until next Saturday when I see with my own eyes that everyone who says they are coming to the screening actually arrives, and then see that they are having a good time and enjoy the movie, and then come to the reception afterwards. It is just the way I am. I know that all of those things will happen, but I won't relax until I see it with my own eyes.

It will. And when it does, I am going to DRINK my FACE off.

Mmmm, sexy...

I have spent more than 18 of the last 36 hours editing. I am on the verge of carpal tunnel syndrome and by tomorrow night (I have probably 8 to 12 more hours of work to do tomorrow before I turn it over to Charlie for him to compress, render, and generally wave a magic wand over the whole thing) I am certain my right hand will be nothing more than a shriveled claw, and I think I have developed a shoulder hump from sitting in front of this computer for so long. Yea baby, I am going to look damn hot for that screening at the Creative Alliance, lemme tell ya.

Zone Issues

Today was very scary. It was the first day of a 2-part "Acting for the Camera" workshop I decided to take at the Creative Alliance. The only acting I have ever done, ever, was in my initial trailer for Charm City. That experience wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, and was kinda fun, but that is largely due to Sean being such a great director, and also I had been writing and rewriting all the dialogue for the last 2 years, so I knew the material inside-out. Today was nothing like that.

The class is taught by Steve Yeager, and one of the reasons I signed up for it is because I have heard his name a lot in certain circles, and I always see him attending or speaking at film festivals and such. Wednesday evening I got an email from him saying I needed to prepare a 2-minute monologue for class on Saturday. I couldn't get anywhere near that on Thursday because we were filming our last (if there is a God) day of pick-ups for Juju. I was meeting up with friends late afternoon on Friday, so that gave me only a couple hours to find or write something and commit it to memory.

At first I was going to do a bit from the movie "Beautiful Girls", when Rosie O'Donnell's character reads her guy friends the riot act about fantasizing about silicone-filled Playboy models and not giving "real" women a chance. It's a good little speech, funny but true, and a movie moment that sticks in my head, so why not? I found the monologue of it online very easily and had it down pretty quickly. Something was bugging me about it, though.

I ran it by Eric via email, he thought it was okay but used the word "feminist". Hmm. Nothing wrong with being a feminist, but those sorts of rants do turn off a lot of people, and I didn't want anyone tuning out due to the content, even if the context was funny.

So I dug a little deeper in my video collection, much of which is old Silver Screen stuff, and I wanted something more contemporary so it would feel more natural. I saw my VHS tape of "Come Back to the 5 & Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean." I love this movie, so much so that I also at some point bought the play script of it. I dug that up, too, and started flipping through it to see if there was anything I could use. I found the part where Sissy (played by Cher), the busty and boisterous sexpot of the group, comes clean about a secret that she has managed to keep for three years - she had to have a double-masectomy, and her husband that she liked to brag on so much left her in the aftermath.

I liked this one better for a lot of reasons. Once I started thinking about delivering my monologue from the side of the Director or Casting Agent, the "Beautiful Girls" piece just wasn't good enough. First off, I found it too easily, which to me says it is used a lot. When I attended the Stonehenge auditions (searching for cast for Charm City) in May, there were some monologues that I saw 5 or 6 times that day! When you do that, to me at least it says that you didn't put a lot of thought into your choice, you chose something safe, and you only end up having the casting agent (consciously or subconsciously) compare you against the other people who had the same monologue. And if you weren't the one who did it best, sianora.

Secondly, it didn't have much depth, and no range. Just straight up sarcastic comedy. While the "Jimmy Dean" piece started off with Sissy being very strong, a little angry even, then dissolving in her own vulnerability, but finally coming out on top and being able to laugh about it. It is really hard to find something that packs all that into 2 or 3 minutes! I ran it by Eric, and he liked this one better, too. "People like stories about boobs," he said. "Even when they're sad ."

I searched online and couldn't find it anywhere, so I copied the text from the script myself and got to work on it. I got it down in time for Happy Hour, and woke up this morning reciting it before I got out of bed, and over and over in the shower. I was as set as I was going to be.
So of course we didn't do monologues today. Seemed only one other person in the class got the memo. Oh, well. No biggie. Good practice for memorization.

There are several reasons why I decided to take this class. First off was the opportunity to work with Steve Yeager. Secondly, I felt it would help me with my directing to get the actors point of view (POV, for those of you looking to pick up the movie lingo :) ). Thirdly, I wanted just another taste of the acting thing for kicks, but mostly I took this class to push myself out of my comfort zone, which it surely did.

In almost any situation I am as cool as a cucumber, and in general I feel there's "nothing I can't handle". But my Achilles Heel has always been and continues to be public speaking, and I am determined to get over that.

Day One did push me, a lot. The first exercise we did is what Steve referred to as a "personalization". Just talking directly to the camera for 2 minutes, telling a personal (true) story about something that affected or changed your life. My classmates had some compelling stories, from drug addiction to first loves to near-death experiences. I talked about my father's death. I'll tell you what I told the camera.

My Dad died five years ago, of pancreatic cancer, at the ripe old age of 56. I was able to spend the last five weeks of his life with him. I was often trapped in his little two-room house in Florida, alone, for much of that time. I didn't have a car and relied on my brother to drive me back and forth to the hospice after he got off work every day. The house wasn't walking distance from anywhere, so all I could do all day was eat spaghetti and watch movies and football until my brother came to get me . I got so bored that I cleaned every square inch of the house. And in every drawer, in the closets and cupboards, manila envelopes in his filing cabinets and shoeboxes in his closet, I found Camel Cash - little "dollars" they used to put in every pack of Camel cigarettes. My Dad was a 2-pack a day guy.

I organized and counted them - eight THOUSAND dollars of Camel Cash. That is 160,000 cigarettes. At the hospice I asked, "Daddy, why do you have all this Camel Cash? Why haven't you traded it in?" Dad had gotten things like pool cues, leather jackets, ashtrays over the years by saving up these things. He said, "They started giving bigger prizes. I almost have enough saved for a trip to Vegas."

Of course, Dad never got to take that trip, because the cigarettes killed him first.

At this point in my personalization, both my voice and I were shaking and it was touch and go as to whether or not I would actually cry. But I wrapped it up.

I can't tell you how angry that makes me. But it made me more determined to live my life, the way I had already been living it, the way I will always live it: I don't wait for rainy days. I make things happen. I don't wait for things to happen to me. I make them happen.

That sentiment has everything to do with filmmaking.

Through the whole process of making Charm City, even when I was winging it, I was still in the driver's seat, and I had some great people around me as my safety net, so I was never completely at a loss. Outside of my comfort zone now and then, but nothing like today, standing alone in front of that camera. My voice was not just shaking because I was telling a sad story. I was just a big bundle of nerves.

When I finished my story, Steve stepped from behind the camera to put an arm around me and ask me if I was okay. So I think I did a decent job of being vulnerable. That is not the hard part to me, though. I'll talk about my Dad all day long and I don't care if I cry in front of people when I do. What is really hard for me is to do something in front of people, something that I don't know, and am not good at. THAT, to me, is being vulnerable. We did another exercise where we had to memorize a sort of "public service announcement". That was SO much harder, to me, than just telling a story that I knew. Mine was a "Vote Pro-Choice" commercial, and instead of saying "Hundreds of thousands of women have suffered the dangers of back alley abortions," I kept saying, "Hundreds of thousands of women have suffered the dangers of back YARD abortions." Like it's something you'd do at the neighborhood barbeque. Sheesh.

I felt very hot, like my face was turning very red, and my voice, to me, sounded as shaky as it had on the first test. But when Steve played back our bits to us, I was surprised to see that it didn't look nearly as bad as it FELT. I can't say that it was fun (though I am hoping that by next week it will be), but it served its purpose. I'm determined to conquer this thing.

Zero Hour

First call time is 21 and a half hours from now. "Stressed," is not nearly strong enough a word. My dogs are staying clear of me. Al Letson, who gets into town tomorrow morning, tells me to breathe deep. Michelle tells me not to worry. Eric says I am not allowed to cry until 1/3 of the movie is in the can. Which is perfect, because that will be our first day off on Tuesday (after we have filmed more than 32 pages in 4 days). So, now I have plans.

Charm City, the Cast

I am very excited to announce the casting for the movie, "Charm City":

Cheryl Scungio as Gracie

Orlando Gonzalez as Tony

Kelly Coston as Melanie

Will Lurie as Andrew

Darik Bernard as Brad

Johnny Benson as Bentley

Phil Calvert as Thom

Kyle Holtgren as David

Phil Amico as Jack

Tiffany Ariany as Angela

featuring Tommy "T.T.Tucker" Davinti and the Bum Rush Band

special appearance by National Public Radio host Al Letson as himself

and local Baltimore legend and nationally recognized artist and performer Joyce J. Scott as Mrs. Talford.

I couldn't be more pleased to have rounded up this amazing ensemble. Can't wait to get out of pre-production and on the set! 37 days and counting...

Only in Baltimore

Hey there. The last couple weeks have been busy, trying to manifest good ideas and potential collaborations into rock-solid plans and partnerships. As with everything in the film industry, it is a lot of hurry-up-and-wait, and it is difficult on some days not to get paranoid that it is all going to evaporate in front of my eyes like a desert mirage.

But I continue to meet and mingle with more local filmmakers, and if Plan A doesn't gel, people are stepping forward to me with Plan B, and I have a Plan C and even a Plan D, and if ALL else fails, I have enough financial support from a few friends and enough emotional support from countless friends to get the whole damn thing done by myself (Plan E).

But hopefully it will not come to that. Making a film is and should be a collaborative effort. It truly is art imitating life. You could get through it alone. But where's the fun in that?

Last night I went to the home of Eric Thornett, who is a local fimmaker and the founder of Pirahna Pictures (www.pirahna-pictures.com). He is about to embark on his fourth and most ambitious feature-length film, a period horror flick. A few weeks ago they had a casting call and Eric wanted to show me some of the audition tapes, as there were some good actors that he couldn't use for whatever reason, but thought might work for me for Charm City.

Eric is a great guy and one of those people that give me the hope and confidence that Charm City will be a success. Eric gets people to do amazing things - and their compensation is, "just for the fun of it". And people line up around the block to work with him! He is a shining example of how far personality goes in this business. If I have to resort to Plan E, I have my fingers crossed that I can charm people into doing half as much for me as people do for him.

What else has been going on...the past few Saturdays I have been taking a filmmaking seminar taught by another local filmmaker, Michelle Farrell, of Absolutely Independent Productions. It is a long day, from 10:00am until 6:00pm, with an hour for lunch and a break here and there. Under normal circumstances my attention span would die a painful death by lunchtime. But Michelle never stops moving (and never stops talking) and she is so funny that she keeps the class completely engaged from beginning to end.

Michelle had a premiere of her own this past Monday at the D.C. Independent Film Festival, for her documentary, "Unraveling Michelle." You see, Michelle used to be Joe. Check it out at www.unravelingmichelle.com, and if you have the chance to see the film for yourself sometime, I highly recommend it.

In our Saturday class at the Creative Alliance, the 15 students range in age from a junior in high school to a retired senior citizen, male, female, black, white, straight, gay, married, single. On our first day, Michelle showed us a trailer for her doc, so there was no mystery. I wondered if anyone would have a problem with her, but the next week not only did everyone show up despite the torrential downpours that day, but as a group we were a lot closer to being punctual than we were the first day.

The entire situation is among the daily reminders of why I love this town so much. It is never boring, and there are colorful characters around every turn. "Charm City," is my own Valentine to Baltimore, and I can't wait to deliver it.