And Miles to Go...

Sleep is not coming any easier to me, but I think it is just because my pattern is totally screwed up from going to bed in the wee hours of the morning for almost a week. Then I wake up when I have to, do things I have to do, then somewhere in the afternoon I can't keep my eyes open, fall out for an hour or two... I wake up refreshed, yes, but then I can't go to sleep until 4 or 5am again! This is getting me a little nuts.

It is nerves, too. I picked up the burned DVD from Charlie (God bless 'im) this afternoon and watched it straight through to make sure there are no surprises. There was only one word of dialogue that wasn't on there, and I am sure it is something that I accidentally deleted or pasted over while I was editing and is not a big deal at all.

I don't really know how to describe how I am feeling now. I feel like I should be saying things like, "relieved, happy, satisfied," etc. And I am certain I am all of those things, but I don't really feel them. I think I am just spent, an empty vessel, and I have to relax and wait for my reserves to fill back up.

Watching the movie on a 42" screen was way different than watching it on my laptop. I was afraid it was going to look worse, but it was actually more forgiving.

I write this blog because I want to be able to read back on my own experience later (because it is way too much to remember now), and I also want to give people who are interested in maybe doing the same thing, or just interested in hearing about the process, an inside look at how it all really happens. Sometimes I have committed the sin of omission about some of the bad things in order to keep the peace with people, or not be overly discouraging, or just because during the process I didn't want certain people (like my investors) to worry that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

I'm having one of those moments where I am considering censoring myself, but I think I'll go ahead and speak honestly, because several people I consult with regularly promise me that what I am feeling is normal and natural (and because the movie is really, truly in the can now, and it all worked out just fine).

The truth is, when you have spent literally several hundred hours poring over about 50 hours of footage - think about that, approximately three THOUSAND minutes of footage - and have to narrow it down to (currently) one hundred and three minutes... pardon my french, but you get pretty freakin' sick of looking at it. Think of your favorite joke, or song, or, hmm, scene in a movie, and then repeat it, listen to it, rewind and watch it at least 50, if not 100, times. Is it still funny, poignant, touching, or whatever you used to think it was? I think the word I am looking for is, "desensitized".

So I was pleasantly surprised when I watched the movie straight through today, and in the immortal words of my dear friend Tom Kyte, thought to myself, "This does not suck." Still needs a lot of massaging, but I am confident I am not going to embarrass myself, anyway. But I am still pretty sick of looking at it. And now I don't have to for EIGHT WHOLE DAYS! I am very excited about that.

I think why I am not dancing with joy, though, is because I am ever the hostess, and I will not be able to relax until next Saturday when I see with my own eyes that everyone who says they are coming to the screening actually arrives, and then see that they are having a good time and enjoy the movie, and then come to the reception afterwards. It is just the way I am. I know that all of those things will happen, but I won't relax until I see it with my own eyes.

It will. And when it does, I am going to DRINK my FACE off.