Let the Games Begin (or, Continue...)

Today was a mixed bag. On top of my day job, which is in flux for reasons too complicated to get into, I'm trying to schedule both my pick-up days for Charm City and the pick-up days for Juju. I've got a decent handle on all three... it is just a lot of balls to keep in the air.

Some stuff in my personal life going on, too, making me reflect on decisions that brought me to where I am today. Things that initially make one think, oh my god, if I only would have done this or stuck with that, I'd be in a totally different place right now, life would be completely different!... and I would be, and it would be... and it would not be the right place or the right life for me, because where I am is where I should be. Where I am, I don't have all the answers, I am not at my final destination, I have not reached all my goals... how boring would life be if I did? I've gotten this far without running out of questions and the desire to learn more than I know now. Don't see that changing anytime soon.

I have finally, but just barely, started the editing process. Through a nice barter deal with a great guy, Charlie Anderson of Stratatek Studios, I am learning the ropes, one on one.

Though at first I found it frustrating (because I had to step away from my own project), now I am so glad that immediately after wrapping principle photography on Charm City I started working on Juju. Going back to look at the footage after not having seen it for 2 months gives me a great deal of perspective. I see now that there are some shots I didn't know to insist upon, and there are some shots that I insisted I could live without that I should have gotten. But still, I am confident that through the magic of editing I can come up with a decent product in the end. Could it be better? Of course! But that is what first features are for. Of COURSE I would love for this to be my big splash, and I'll do everything I can to make that happen. But will this be my masterpiece? God, I hope not! If so, there would be no place to go but down, right? I have no delusions of grandeur in that regard.

But I will admit that I would like for people to respect what I have accomplished to date, or, at a minimum, not shit all over it. At the same time, it is a fine line for me to walk. It is complicated... I am not sure how to explain it... egos everywhere, including mine, I'm sure. There are so many people I have met, and learned from, and just flat out revered. To name a few: Sean Stanley, Michelle Farrell, and Eric Thornett. These three are the Indie Holy Trinity as far as I am concerned. Flip back through previous posts just to get a taste of what they have helped me through, and continue to help me through. I started off knowing each of them by bartering services or resources that aided both parties, but more importantly now, they are my friends.

But I digress, sort of...

On my shoot, a few people chose to tell me, sometimes in rather harsh terms, what they thought I was doing wrong, or should do better, or basically should have known coming out of the womb... I tried to take it all in stride. I suppose sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't, I don't know. Nothing I couldn't live with, no mistakes I couldn't own. Never claimed to be perfect, or even know what I was doing. That's what first productions are for. It made me a better Production Manager for Juju. This was that production team's first feature-length. Sometimes when I just wanted to bitch, I remembered how it made me feel when people on my team on Charm City did that... and I kept my mouth shut. If it was something important, I would say it, to their (the producers) faces (not via email, or text message, or voicemail) and at an appropriate (read: private) time and place. Like any business, there is a hierarchy in filmmaking. If you want to cause a scene, create drama, you can certainly earn a name for yourself - among your peers and subordinates. But there are several things more important to keep in mind: (1) the people you are impressing by behaving this way are generally not the people who hired you, (2) the people who hired you are not likely to be impressed, (3) this business is an incredibly small microcosm, so (4) the people who hired you know other people who may or may NOT hire you.

But it is not just about even that, to me. It is about respect, and integrity. I am just a little disillusioned at the moment... today I found something online, accidentally, written about Charm City by someone who had worked on the production. Not only had I personally signed this person on to the project, and enjoyed working with that person throughout, I then went out on a limb to get that person hired onto Juju, with pay, and mid-production went further out on that limb to get that person more money.

Double-whammy to me is that person is female. Filmmaking is a Boys' Club, no doubt. I am not complaining, though, because it gives me an edge. Female Writer/Producer/Directors are few and far between, especially in the Indie world. It gives me a hook. I'll take it. But to be slammed by another female, a female that I hired, TWICE... who was nice to my face, who I gave more credit than that... it just makes me feel like a sucker.

On the other hand, this person is young, and though I don't think that is carte blanche for anything (and I hated it when people would say that, "oh, she's young," about me when I actually WAS young), it makes it easier for me to live with. As far as I know, she hasn't written, OR directed, OR produced a feature-length film. And she probably spent as much money going to school for it as people handed me to make my film, because they believe in me. So, you know, I can live with all of that.