A Lot Like Love

My tranquil weekend in the Poconos has been quashed. The pump at my friend's cabin is broken, so no water. Damn. I had mentally prepared myself all week to be in this uncluttered environment, to have a clear head and fresh air and buckle down and cut and slash and tweak the script. And now I have to do it in mega-distracting Baltimore.

"Paris is never more Paris than in Vienna." That is my favorite Hemingway quote. Sometimes it is difficult to write about something or somewhere when you are in the midst of it. Distance can be helpful for the sake of clarity. It is a lot like being in love.

In more ways than one. I have lost three pounds this week without even thinking about it! That is because my brain is occuppied every waking (and many sleeping) moment. It is easy to forget to eat when I am trying to remember all the people I have to email, the supplies I need to pick up at Staples, the things I have to research online, and, oh, yeah, the changes I need to make to the script.

Also like being in love, it is difficult to get to sleep. I can't stop thinking about the film when I turn the lights off and stare at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling over my bed. And I find myself waking up each morning about an hour before the alarm is set to go off. Before I open my eyes I am already sketching out today's to-do list in my head.

Of course, there are the moments we all have, when we are in love, when we doubt ourselves: Am I crazy? Is this the right thing for me? Or am I just having delusions of grandeur? But luckily, those moments pass quickly, and don't derail me. I know it is just part of the process, and these reality checks are necessary.

Another necessary evil: Critique. This is incredibly important, but not always fun. The script has been read by several people whose opinions I hold in high regard. Most often they are flattered and excited to be asked to read it. But not so much when it comes time to pay the piper. The exchange is, they MUST tell me what they DON'T like about it. Sometimes this takes quite a bit of encouragement on my part. "Patting me on the back and telling me you love it makes me feel good for a minute," I'll tell them, "but it doesn't help me to make it a stronger script." They understand this and want to help. But it is still difficult to look someone in the eye and tell them what you don't like about something that they created.

I've found this especially true of people I know who are not in a creative field themselves. My artist/writer compatriots have far less qualms about ripping something to shreds. They know the value in that deconstruction and reconstruction, as they have seen their own phoenix rise from the ashes many times. It is simply one part of the process.

Of course in as much as it is not easy for people to give a critique, it is not that easy to hear it, either. But I am getting better at it, to the point where I look forward to them. The hardest part for me is to NOT explain to my critics what it is they, "don't get," about the script. I just have to listen and digest. Explaining a film is like explaining a joke - if you have to explain it, IT'S NOT WORKING. And it is up to me to figure out a way to make the subtleties of the film work, without dumbing it down so much that the audience is bored or insulted. Grrr.

Good lord! It is almost lunchtime and the only caloric intake I have had today was a V-8. And I need to go to Staples and then my friend who has the cabin in the Poconos is getting in on the train from New York at 3:00pm, he is giving me his critique over dinner and drinks. Did I feed the dogs this morning?

Gotta run...

p.s. Charm City the Teaser is online! Go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-EsxyU5_a8 to check it out! If that doesn't work, use search words (on YouTube) "charm city jeanie clark teaser independent film" and you should be able to find it.